July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month

July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month.

Reach out to the grieving parents in your life and let them know you are there for them

Let them know you realize they are struggling every day just to survive.

Show them...tell them....let them know their child is not forgotten.

Memorial Day 2025

 

Today and everyday remember and honor our fallen heroes. Let us never forget their sacrifice

Happy Heavenly Birthday Steve

Happy Heavenly Birthday Steve. We miss you and love you!

Happy Mother's Day 2025

Happy Mother's Day!

This screenshot is a photo of the last 

Mother's Day message I received from my son.

Also, to all the fur baby Mama's...

International Bereaved Mother's Day 2025

Today is International Bereaved Mother's Day.

International Bereaved Mother’s Day is special day to

have our children, and our never-ending grief, acknowledged.

I am a mother. I am a bereaved mother.

My child died, and this is my reluctant path.

It is not a path of my choice, but it is a path I must walk mindfully and with intention.

It is a journey through the darkest night of my soul and it will take time to wind through the places that scare me.

Every cell in my body aches and longs to be with my beloved child. On days when grief is loud, I may be impatient, distracted, frustrated, and unfocused.

I may get angry more easily, or I may seem hopeless. I will shed many, many, many tears.

I won’t smile as often as my old self. Smiling hurts now. Most everything hurts some days, even breathing.

But please, just sit beside me. Say nothing. Do not offer a cure. Or a pill, or a word, or a potion.

Witness my suffering. Don’t turn away from me. Please be gentle with me.

And I will try to be gentle with me too.

I will not ever "get over" my child's death so please don’t urge me down that path.

Even on days when grief is quiescent, when it isn't standing loudly in the foreground, even on days when I am even able to smile again, the pain is just beneath the surface.

There are days when I still feel paralyzed. My chest feels the sinking weight of my child's absence and, sometimes, I feel as if I will explode from the grief.

Losing my child affects me in so many ways: as a woman, a mother, a human being. It affects every aspect of me: spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally. There are days when I barely recognize myself in the mirror anymore.

Grief is as personal to me as my fingerprint. Don't tell me how I should or shouldn’t be grieving or that I should or shouldn’t “feel better by now.” Don't tell me what's right or wrong. I'm doing it my way, in my time. If I am to survive this, I must do what is best for me.

My understanding of life will change and a different meaning of life will slowly evolve.

What I knew to be true or absolute or real or fair about the world has been challenged so I'm finding my way, moment-to-moment in this new place.

Things that once seemed important to me are barely thoughts any longer. I notice life's suffering more- hungry children, the homeless and the destitute, a mother’s harsh voice toward her young child- or an elderly person struggling with the door.

There are so many things about the world which I now struggle to understand: Why do children die? There are some questions, I've learned, which are simply unanswerable.

So please don’t tell me that “ God has a plan ” for me. This, my friend, is between me and my God. Those platitudes slip far too easily from the mouths of those who tuck their own child into a safe, warm bed at night: Can you begin to imagine your own child, flesh of your flesh, lying lifeless in a casket, when “goodbye” means you’ll never see them on this Earth again?

Grieving mothers- and fathers- and grandparents- and siblings won’t wake up one day with everything ’okay’ and life back to normal. I have a new normal now.

As time passes, I may gain gifts, and treasures, and insights but anything gained was too high a cost when compared to what was lost.

Perhaps, one day, when I am very, very old, I will say that time has truly helped to heal my broken heart. But always remember that not a second of any minute of any hour of any day passes when I am not aware of the presence of my child's absence, no matter how many years lurk over my shoulder, don’t forget that I have another one, another child, whose absence, like the sky, is spread over everything as C.S. Lewis said ... “My child may have died; but my love - and my motherhood - never will.”

In loving memory of my son, Richard Colt Hazlett. Forever in my heart. 

Nine Years Ago: In Loving Memory of Colt

Nine years ago, my son Colt, lost his fight against leukemia....only 31 days after being diagnosed..  

Colt didn't want to die and tried so hard to fight. He and I both thought he would pull through.

Even though Colt was strong until the end cancer still won. Fuck cancer! 

 

When you lose a child, you lose an entire lifetime of dreams, hopes, wishes and plans.

Memories of Colt and the love felt for Colt will never die.  He is and will be forever missed.

World Cancer Day 2024

 

Today is World Cancer Day and this post is in memory of my son,

Richard Colt Hazlett and all those we have lost to cancer.

Colt was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia on February 8, 2016.
Colt passed away on March 10, 2016.
I love you son, forever and always.

Happy New Year 2025

 

Today begins a new year.
A year that my husband will not get to see.
Another year without my son.
Another year without my parents.
Another year of an irrational fear of death and dying.
Another year of panic attacks.
BUT...also...another year to live and to be alive.

Hold your loved ones close and let them know
how much you love them....not just today, but every day!
Tomorrow is never promised, so live life to the fullest.

Christmas 2024

 As we celebrate this holiday season, we are lighting a candle in honor and in memory of those who have gone before us. Though they are not here with us, they are forever with us in our hearts.

My candle is lit for my son, Colt, my husband, Steve. my parents, my grandparents,my father-in-law, Chuck and for all those that cannot be with us this Christmas.

The Night Before Christmas at Rainbow Bridge

In loving memory of my Annabelle (AKA Bella), my Shelby and all the dogs cats, hamsters, birds and guinea pigs I owned through the years. You are deeply missed.

 THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AT RAINBOW BRIDGE

'Twas the night before Christmas, at Rainbow Bridge too.
We Bridge Kids were thinking as always of you.
We'd seen how the holidays weren't bright this year,
Heard you whisper so often, "I wish you were here!"

We know how you wish you could just stay in bed
And sleep through the holiday lying ahead,
When all celebrate with their loved ones so near...
Unless they have loved ones on this side this year.

But we're no less alive here, on the other side.
If you could just see us, you'd've laughed and not cried.
The dogs all in harness, pulling the sleigh.
The cats all in Santa hats pointing the way.

The pet birds all flying back over the rainbow,
Bound homeward in spite of Earth's darkness and snow.
All the pets that you've lost, pets for whom you've cried,
Flying home on this Christmas to be by your side.

If you feel warm fur brush you when no pet's around,
Hear a soft bark or purr, just a ghost of a sound,
We're trying to tell you we're visiting this way,
And our visits, even rainbows, can be on any day.

But for Christmas we have something special to do,
A sleighful of happy dream visits for you.
On doggy, on kitty, on winged friend and ferret!
The love that you lavished, we mean now to share it!

We're fetching that love home, the way we once played,
With the closeness we shared and the memories we made.
Our Earth lives with you were too short for us, too,
And on this Christmas Eve we have so much to do.

So all through this night as you sleep in your beds,
Sweet visions of furbabies dance in your heads.
This one special night we can bring you Home for a while,
Your true home in Heaven, where again you will smile.

Over the rainbow you'll fly, for a short while this night,
Hours that you'll be happy, hours that will feel right,
Hours to cuddle and hug us, to run and to play,
Before the return to Earth in our magic way.

And when you awaken and face Christmas Day,
We pray you'll remember your trip on our sleigh,
But in case you forget, just remember our love.
Remember us watching you, your angels above.

Sending love wrapped in rainbows, shining and bright, 

Love that will guide you through the darkest night,

Love found in each memory unwrapped through the year, 

Replacing dark sorrows with Christmas cheer.

Leave the toys to St. Nick, we Bridge Kids bring dreams,
Sweet visits to remind you all is not as it seems
When you look all around you with tired Earthly eyes.
If you saw as we do, there'd be joy and surprise.

There are furangels waiting by those Christmas trees,
Always there for you and hearing your pleas.
We're never more than a thought away from your home,
You're never forgotten, you're never alone.

Nor are we alone here, with our Rainbow Bridge friends.
We know only joy here, the celebrating never ends,
And after our reunions with you Christmas Eve,
We Bridge kids will party like you'd never believe.

But we'll slip away often to be by your side.
Sitting there watching you, eyes open wide,
Praying you'll be able to catch a glimpse of us, too.

But whether or not you see us - Merry Christmas to you! 

The Empty Chair Beside Me

Ask me about the empty chair beside me and I will gratefully tell you about the beautiful boy who should be sitting next to me. The one who taught me how to stretch my love far and wide enough to span the gap between heaven and earth.

  

Veterans Day 2024

To all Veterans everywhere....

Thank you for your service.

Thank you for your sacrifice.

Thank you for our freedom.

Thank you on this day and every day. 

32 Years Ago

 

Today would have been my son's 32nd birthday. Colt is not here to celebrate.

Acute Myleoid Leukemia (cancer) took him away on March 10, 2016.

I miss Colt so damn much.
I miss his wonderful smile and his laugh. 
I miss hearing him say "Hi Mama".
I miss talking to him and I miss hearing his voice.

I miss hearing "I love you Mama!".
I miss the "good morning", "good night" and "I miss you Mama", text.

I miss EVERYTHING about him.

 

Patriot Day: Never Forget

  

Twenty-three years ago, the United States endured one of the most unconscionable tragedies in U.S history. Patriot Day honors the memory of the innocent victims who died in the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. Each year Americans dedicate this day to remembering those who died and the first responders who risked their own lives to save others.

One Year Without Him

It is hard to believe an entire year has gone by since Steve passed away. Life without him just does not seem real. I miss him so very much. I did not believe in soulmates until I met him. My soul hurts.

 

September is Leukemia Awareness Month

September is Leukemia Awareness Month.  Please visit www.cancer.org/cancer/leukemia-acutemyeloidaml/index to learn more about AML.  Learn the signs and symptoms of leukemia and learn how to talk to your loved ones if you have leukemia.  Hopefully one day there will be a cure and families will not lose their loved ones to this horrible disease.

 

On February 8, 2016 my son, Colt, was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML). March 10, 2016, Colt passed away.  The photo below was the last photo Colt took of himself the day before he passed away.  I will cherish this photo, and all the photos I have of him forever.  I miss Colt so very much...my heart and soul will never be the same with him gone.

Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day 2024

 In remembrance of each pet who has crossed over the Rainbow Bridge....

you are forever loved and missed dearly. 

#RainbowBridgeRemembranceDay

My Rainbow Bridge babies are Annabelle (Bella) and Shelby, 

as well as many dogs, cats, hamsters, guinea pigs and a bit that I had growing up.

Annabelle was born November 22, 2000 and she passed away on August 2, 2012.

Shelby was born November 20, 2004 and she passed away on February 8, 2020.

I miss them so much. When they died, they took a piece of my heart with them.