January 10, 2017

10 Months Feels Like Yesterday

Today, it has been 10 months since my handsome son left this world.  I honestly do not know how I have made it through to now.  I really did think Colt would beat cancer and that he would be here for many more years.  But no, cancer decided it wanted to win...and it won in 31 days.   Colt died only 31 days after being diagnosed.  31 DAYS!  All the medical technology and medicine and treatments could not save him. I feel the doctors gave us false hope and that makes me angry. I know that leukemia would kill you someday but not 31 days after being diagnosed.

I miss Colt so much. The pain of losing him is so deeper than anything I have ever felt. There are no words to even begin to describe how I feel.  A large piece of my heart and soul died in Dallas when Colt passed. I am so very sorry I did not get there in time to say good bye...regret and guilt eat me alive some days.

Every day life is hard without Colt.  I miss his wonderful smile and his laugh. I miss hearing him say "Hi Mama".  I miss talking to him and I miss hearing his voice. I miss hearing "I love Mama!".  I miss the "good morning", "good night" and "I miss you Mama", text.  Hell I miss everything about my precious son.
Please, hold your loved ones close and let them know how much you love them. Tomorrow is never promised.

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