I read an article from Still Standing magazine titled, "My Son Died But He is Still Here". Some words from this article, which may be out of context to the article, but are how I feel and what I think.....
"I am a grieving mother. My son died. I know he is physically gone from this world. Yet, I assure you he is not gone. Let me also say, he is not “looking down, watching over us”. Don’t tell me he “will always be in our hearts”. He is not in some faraway place waiting for us to be reunited. When I say that, it is not in the sense of remembering him or keeping his memory alive. Nor is it wishful thinking. I promise you it is no grief hallucination."
My son died. I feel his death every day. I think about him every day. I miss him so much that I have physical pain from missing him.
He is never coming home. He will never walk through the front door with his beautiful smile on his face. He will never say, "I love you Mama", again.
I will never hug him again. I cannot pick up the phone to call him. I will never hear his voice.
This is the new me. I am the smile behind daily tears. I have lost part of my sole and I will never get it back. I will never get him back.