September 1, 2017

Leukemia Awareness Month: In Memory of Richard Colt Hazlett

On March 10, 2016 at 2:40AM, my handsome, loving, kind, caring and wonderful son, passed away. Acute Myeloid Leukemia ripped him from this world at the age of 23.  
I honestly do not know how I have made it through to now.  I really did think Colt would beat cancer and that he would be here for many more years.  But no, cancer decided it wanted to win...and it won in 31 days.   Colt died only 31 days after being diagnosed.  31 DAYS!  All the medical technology and medicine and treatments could not save him. I feel the doctors gave us false hope and that makes me angry. I know that leukemia would kill you someday but not 31 days after being diagnosed.

I miss Colt so much. 
The pain of losing him is so deeper than anything I have ever felt. There are no words to even begin to describe how I feel.  A large piece of my heart and soul died in Dallas when Colt passed. I am so very sorry I did not get there in time to say good bye...regret and guilt eat me alive some days.

Every day life is hard without Colt.  I miss his wonderful smile and his laugh. I miss hearing him say "Hi Mama".  I miss talking to him and I miss hearing his voice. I miss hearing "I love Mama!".  I miss the "good morning", "good night" and "I miss you Mama", text.  Hell I miss everything about my precious son.
 Most days, I feel like a robot, just going through the motions of each day.  
I do my best stay busy to keep the overwhelming emotions from taking me over. 
My heart and soul ache to the core.
Colt loved being a solider and I am so very proud of him.
Colt's ashes are at home with me.  
Someday soon, I will make sure his ashes are placed in a place fit for a soldier.
If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken, no time to say goodbye
you were gone before I knew it, and only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness and secret tears still flow,
what it meant to lose you, no one will ever know.
~Author Unknown

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